what men don't know

The best thing about my ex was his sense of humor. He was a total dork, and very cute, and this is such a great combo. I wish guys knew that if they took themselves less seriously and didn't give a shit about what others thought and acted more silly, we'd totally fall for it. They just have no idea how endearing it really is. And how hard it is to find.
So, my friend J.A. has finally met a guy who makes her nervous. We share this issue-it's very difficult to find a guy who makes us nervous, who makes us tongue-tied and clumsy. I haven't met one since last year-that cute, adorable one whose heart was broken by his ex fiance.
What is it with guys that get their hearts broken, never to be fixed or able to love again? I don't get it. I've talked to women about this issue and we are all in agreement: you just don't find that many women whose hearts are broken beyond repair. We love just as much, but we are so much more willing to jump back on the horse and try again, even if it freaks us out. We are just more resilient. We really are like emotional supermen. We might be emotional-but then we act all crazy, boo hoo for a while, and then we are fine. Men, on the other hand, can walk through life searching for that ephemeral, nonexistent girl they lost those many years ago. Personally, I think it's a totaly copout.
And why is one girl the absolute embodiment of everything a guy could ever look for-and why do they believe that once they've found it in a girl (and that girl ends up breaking their heart) they can never find such love again? So then these men revert to eternal bachelorhood and non attachment, leaving confused and bitter women in their wake. Is one girl really worth your self denial of happiness for the rest of your life or several years, for some disneyland romantic notion about "the one and only?"

The other thing that men don't know (when they are first trying to get a girl to be interested) is that they don't ask us enough questions. This doesn't mean go crazy with the personal questions, but there is such a difference between a guy who is so obviously not interested in our lives because all he does is talk about himself at dinner, at the bar, etc., and a guy who asks us questions and remembers the answers later-because he was listening-or has a really good tape recorder in his pocket.
There is also something unnerving about a guy like this and he gets under our skin SO much quicker. If only men knew that the path of least resistance is simply the path of interested inquiry.
Oh well, I know none of you will ever learn.
The thing is that there are so many more cute, available girls in the world than there are guys, that you think you are doing just fine. Some women will even lie and tell you how fabulous you are, just to keep you coming back for more. When really, all of us girls are saying to each other, "there are no freakin' quality men in the world any more." Actually, I think the term we use for most of you is "losers." We are putting up with you as you are because there are no other choices at the supermarket. But it doesn't make you gourmet and it doesn't make you fabulous. Sometimes it makes you even tasteless and bland. Doesn't that bother some of you even a little? Maybe one of you even?
You know, this is the thing about a limited comodity market society. We will buy the crappy ass, fat-ridden bacon at the grocery store if there's nowhere else to go. But it doesn't mean we aren't dreaming abou that fabulous, organic, crunchy bacon to go with our egg-and we know exists somewhere out there!
Men don't have to commit or take a girl seriously because there are so many women out there who act like this is ok. It IS kind of forced on us for the fact that if we do say that we don't like it that way, some guys-most guys-will just say, "see ya!" and find some other girl who is ok with their bullshit.
But part of me thinks, if a guy really likes a girl, then the reluctance to say, "she's my girlfriend" won't be there. And if it is, then hence that book, "maybe he's just not that into you." I have such a skewed vision of this because I was with a guy for 6 years that was one of those serial monogomists who liked being with only one woman, didn't stray and liked to spend all of his time with me. I know this is unusual. It's so unusual that you probably don't believe me.